; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
