onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
