All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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