...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
