Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
