her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
