Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
