is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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