So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
