OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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