you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
