My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
