There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
