I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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