Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
