Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
