Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
