I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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