You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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