So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
