The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
