a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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