i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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