sarcasm needs its own font
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
