Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
