He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
