I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
