I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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