I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Boobs speak an international language.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
