i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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