I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
