Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
