You're so nebulous sometimes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
