I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
