I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
