Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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