I think I died a long time ago.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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