no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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