I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
