i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
