he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
