Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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