I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
