You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
no you cant smoke seaweed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
