What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
