he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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