he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
