Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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