When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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