I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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