somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
