found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
