I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
