You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I could make wine with my vomit
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
